Diary3

Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone.

Is that too much that I'm asking for something to you? I don't know my dear, but I always feel that I must disturb you when I want to ask for something to you?

It's the first time I ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain

Is that too much that I'm asking you to be there when I'm all alone?

I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning

Who is me exactly, my dear? I can't understand where I should be.

Can't find where i am
Lying here
Alone in fear
Afraid of the dark
No one to claim
Alone again

I yearn for you, my dear. Do you feel it too?
Every day, every hous, every minute, every second.
But once more, do you feel it too?

I don't know how it come, but now I am not me.
I didn't see you the way I do now.
I tried hard to force myself to do so, but why is everything harder than it seems?

People seems to be right.
Am I cheated?
I put my trust in you, my dear, and I hope they are all wrong.

Diary2

Once more.
I feel it again.
It happened again.
Always the same.
I am bored.
But I am infatuated.

Aku Bukan Pilihan Hatimu

Jika memang diriku bukanlah menjadi pilihan hatimu
Mungkin sudah takdirnya kau dan aku tak 'kan mungkin bersatu

Harus s'lalu kau tahu kumencintamu di sepanjang waktuku
Harus s'lalu kau tahu semua abadi untuk selamanya

Karena kuyakin cinta dalam hatiku
Hanya milikmu sampai akhir hidupku
Karena kuyakin di setiap hembus nafasku
Hanya dirimu satu yang selalu kurindu

Harus s'lalu kau tahu kumencintamu di sepanjang waktuku
Harus s'lalu kau tahu semua abadi untuk selamanya

Karena kuyakin cinta dalam hatiku
Hanya milikmu sampai akhir hidupku
Karena kuyakin di setiap hembus nafasku
Hanya dirimu satu yang selalu kurindu

Jika memang diriku bukanlah menjadi pilihan hatimu.....

..............................................................................

A really strange song that infected me.
Nggak tau ya, tiap kali dengar lagu ini aku ngerasain sakit hati.
Nggak tau juga kenapa aku suka sekali merasakan dan mengulangi sakit hati itu.
Aku benar-benar gak tau kenapa.
Tiap kali dengar, pasti hati ini tertusuk dan jadi pengen nangis.
Bahkan pernah sampe benar-benar nangis.
Sebenarnya ada apa sih dengan lagu ini?!
Aku juga jadi senang nyanyiin lagu ini, meski tiap kali nyanyiin rasanya benar-benar sakit di hati dan tenggorokan tercekat. Rasanya gak rela nyanyi, tapi mulut ini terus aja kebuka.
Teman-temanku sampe heran liat aku tiba-tiba terinfeksi lagu Indonesia, lagunya Ungu lagi!
Benar-benar strange kata mereka.
"Andhie suka lagu Indonesia? Aneh banget! Gak salah?!" Gitu pasti komen mereka.
Nggak tau ah!
Aku sendiri juga heran dengan diriku.
Ada apa sama lagu ini sebenarnya?

Diary1

How could this be?
I never thought that I would be on this way or feel such feelings.
I don't like it!
Should I cry? May I cry?
Does it all deserve the tears?
I don't want to end all of this, I really don't. No, that's like a hell for me.
I adore the moment, and the moment maker.

Once I've been tied up, I will not go anywhere. I promise you and myself. I will always keep my way on you and try to build a high and strong wall in my heart to avoid seeing other disturbance.

But sometimes ........... I must face a really hard condition. I feel like I am nothing, I am invisible, I am nobody, I am not an essential one. When I am on this condition, all I can do is just staying on positive mind, try not to thing negatively. But actually that hurts me so. No, I don't tell you about it since I don't want you to be worried. I acted as if there were nothing happen. I just think about your pleasure and secure.

See, I was always okay when everything wasn't okay around us.

Do I adore you for all my life? I don't think so, my dear. But I know, for this time, I cannot grab another feeling except you. Is it same as you?

dHie Dies

Aku tak tahu lagi siapa aku. Aku tak lagi yakin dHie dalam diriku masih tetap ada, masih tetap hidup. Aku bukan dHie lagi. Tak tahu siapa yang menggantikan dHie. Mungkin Dhie, dhIe, dhiE, dhie, dHIE, dhIE, DhIE, DHiE, atau apalah itu.
Mungkin, dHie sudah mati.
Bukan, tak seharusnya dHie seperti ini.